Look at any number of want ads, particularly for senior
employees, and you will see that most of them ask for team
players. We all think we are team players, but the problem
is we don’t all mean the same thing. Noticeably, men and
women have different ideas of what the term means, and this
comes from our early socialization.
Generally speaking, little boys’ games are often based on
sports. As soon as they can walk, they seem to start
throwing or kicking a ball, tossing it into a hoop or
hitting it with a bat. Groups of boys automatically begin
choosing sides and playing competitive games, even before
entering organized games. Adults, both male and female,
encourage them to play to win.
Girls, on the other hand, usually play games that are an
imitation of life. They have dolls, which in their minds
sleep and cry just as real babies do. They walk and talk
with other little girls, who are also nursing dolls. They
make up stories about their fantasy lives, and they are
encouraged by adults to “play nicely with the other
children”. Aggression, or bossiness, is frowned upon.
Fast forward, then, to a time when these same men and women
are leading teams or departments in the business world.
Doesn’t it make sense that this early training would lead
to different management styles?
To women, good team players work together well. They tend
to consider other team members’ feelings, and listen to
their ideas. They work to attain consensus in the group and
strive for decisions that will be for the good of the group
as a whole. To this end, the female manager will often ask
her people for their views and discuss her own ideas with
them before making decisions. She may also explain the
reasons for her decisions.
To most men, however, a good team player is one who does
what the coach says. Team sports depend on players
following instructions, and there is no room for
discussion. In the business world, therefore, the male
manager IS the coach, and he expects his instructions to be
followed. He usually pronounces his decision, and sees no
need to explain his reasons.
Neither of these styles is better or worse than the other,
but they are different. Women need to realize that their
male managers are not being arrogant, but simply following
a style. If you want to put your views forward to your male
manager, you will need to make an opportunity to do so,
because you are unlikely to be asked in advance. Men need
to recognize that a female manager’s tendency to ask for
other people’s views is not weakness, but simply a
different management style.
So when you describe yourself as a team player, consider
who is asking you.
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Helen Wilkie is a professional speaker and author,
specializing in workplace communication. Subscribe to her
free monthly e-zine, “Communi-keys” at
http://www.mhwcom.com/pages/communikeys.html and get your
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