When you attend a conference or other networking event,
you’ll meet people with a variety of backgrounds and
interests, and inevitably you’ll find yourself conversing
one-on-one with someone whose subject will totally stump
you. What should you do?
First, don’t try to wing it, because you’ll make mistakes
and look foolish. Why would you want to fake it anyway?
There’s no shame in not knowing about a topic you’ve never
studied. When referring to something that’s not too
difficult, you may have used the expression, “It’s not
brain surgery”, but did you ever stop to think that to a
brain surgeon it might be just as appropriate to say, “It’s
not accounting” or “It’s not desktop publishing” or even
“It’s not rock music”? Will Rogers once said, “We’re all
ignorant – just in different subjects”. Personally, I
believe the only reason I can’t perform brain surgery is
that I’ve never studied it, but that doesn’t mean I am less
intelligent or worthy than a brain surgeon, does it?
If we’re not embarrassed to admit we don’t know about brain
surgery, or rocket science, why should we be concerned
about admitting ignorance of any topic? Perhaps there’s a
clue right there in the word I used. “Ignorance” is a
loaded term, isn’t it? But the Oxford Dictionary defines it
simply as “lacking in knowledge”, with no connotation of
shame. In fact, I’d suggest that admission of ignorance is
the first step towards learning-and often to a truly
interesting conversation.
To take advantage of this idea, try some of these
conversation encouragers:
• I haven’t had any exposure to the world of professional
music. Is it really as exciting as it looks from the
outside?
By using this wording, you are granting the other person
the status of insider. Since we all enjoy talking about our
special knowledge, that will usually encourage him or her
to give you all sorts of information.
•  Your enthusiasm about this subject is infectious. What
is it about it that so fascinates you?
You have subtly complimented the speaker, who will
subconsciously want to convey the same fascination to you.
•  I’m afraid I don’t know anything about the publishing
business. Would you explain what that expression means?
When you have admitted ignorance of a subject, there is no
such thing as a stupid question, so go ahead and ask away!
(By the way, this last question is also very useful when
purchasing services. Have you ever received an order back
from the printer, only to find it was not what you had
envisioned? You could probably have saved time and money by
admitting your lack of knowledge right up front and letting
the specialist help you order exactly what you wanted.)
Did you notice the common element in all three examples?
Yes, I am inviting the person to tell me more. There’s no
more effective conversation technique than asking people
about themselves and their interests – and then genuinely
listening to their answers. During my networking workshops,
people often tell me they are nervous about meeting new
people because they don’t know what to say. If that’s your
challenge, why not turn this around, and consider what to
ask?
—————————————————-
Helen Wilkie is a professional speaker, workshop leader and
author specializing in communication. Call 416-966-5023 for
information on her popular keynote, “Sowing and Growing
Your Network” or check out her audio program on networking
at http://www.mhwcom.com/pages/valuefromnetworking.html .
Subscribe to Helen’s no-cost monthly e-zine,
“Communi-keys”, at http://www.mhwcom.com
Comments on this entry are closed.