Most of us have difficulty with negative feedback. We tend
to become angry, defensive, or hurt when people offer
negative feedback. We blame the bearer of the information.
Many leaders avoid it altogether, because it strikes at one
of our most prized possessions–our image of self. We like
to see ourselves as effective, skilled, and capable both
with people and task. Negative feedback is an opportunity
that should be welcomed and valued as a great gift.
It is unlikely we can prevent ourselves from experiencing
negative emotion when people give us negative feedback, yet
we need to welcome it anyway. Negative information is
better than no information. If my people are unhappy, if my
customers are unhappy, or if those closest to me are
unhappy–it is better that I know than not know. At least
if I know I can do something about it.
In fact, as leaders we should welcome negative feedback and
even encourage it. On one hand negative feedback is
potentially hurtful and upsetting. On the other hand it is
an opportunity. Complaints and grievances against us are
opportunities to reflect, clarify who we are, and to
envision something new and better.
Here are some ideas on how to turn negative information
into positive opportunities:
1. Accept it. This is how others see you. It is not wrong
or right; bad or good; it just is. Refuse to take it
personally. It is information. How do you want to best use
this information to help others, yourself, and your
organization (or family)?
2. Become a listener. Invite information from those who
have spoken negatively without defending yourself. Let your
focus be to care about their well-being and to understand
them fully. Determine what they need from you. Are you
seeing them as important? Are you giving value to their
needs and concerns? This doesn’t mean agreeing with them or
satisfying all of their wants. It means you see them as
important and you value them.
3. Examine the tone that you set. Are you approachable?
Are people comfortable talking to you? This will help
people to offer potentially negative information to you so
you can act upon it. If you are not approachable, people
will talk to others about you, but they not express
directly to you.
4. Are you seeing people in terms of their faults or in
terms of their needs? If you are a fault finder you will
tend to dismiss feedback from others as unimportant. If you
are responsive to the needs of others, you will see their
feedback as important information. Your ability to care
about and understand others is an invitation for them to be
concerned for you. They will want to be helpful to you.
Excellent leadership must always be reflective. As leaders,
we must ask ourselves: “How am I doing? How are the
people I affect doing? Am I consistently creating a
positive and healthy environment?” This kind of reflection
causes us to grow and reach higher levels of success.
Reflection will inevitably involve the reception of some
negative feedback.
I coached a senior executive who was having some difficulty
with his staff. I used a 360 degree assessment to get
feedback from his employees, colleagues, and the CEO. He
was horrified at the results. People painted a picture of
him that was selfish and not responsive to others. This man
had high standards and was known as a kind and generous
person in his personal life. The negative feedback served
as a wake up call. He was thankful for this gift of
negative feedback and he immediately began changing his way
of being with people at work.
Learning isn’t always painful. We learn from our successes
too. My senior executive found immediate successes when he
changed his way of being. People became more helpful and
responsive to him. His colleagues greatly respected his
willingness to receive and act upon the feedback.
When people criticize or complain about us it is best to
face it without defense, and take action to help them and
to improve our effectiveness. Negative feedback is not
always accurate, but whether it is accurate or not, dealing
with it honestly is an opportunity we don’t want to miss.
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William Frank Diedrich is a speaker, executive coach, and
the author of Beyond Blaming: Unleashing Power and Passion
in People and Organizations. William offers keynotes and
workshops on leadership and moving beyond blaming. William
also offers an inexpensive, yet powerful online leadership
class, The Leaders’ Edge, and a free e-newsletter,
Transformation Times. Learn more about William at
http://noblaming.com
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