Always start with a consideration for consideration offer:
a presentation of the minimum transfer conditions well
within your negotiating limits. Declare yourself up front.
‘You have something I want and I have something you want. I
am a negotiator. Let’s negotiate about the transfer
conditions.’ For example, ‘I would like for you to…. I
understand that it would be something that would change
things a little for you. I think that I have an offer that
will make it a comfortable thing for you, though. In
consideration of your…, I will….’ Simply fill in your
consideration and my consideration: the minimum transfer
conditions. You have made me a consideration for
consideration offer and have done so in a way that lets me
know that you are a serious negotiator.

If I begin negotiating, all is well. I might say, ‘I might
think about what you want from me; but what you’re offering
is not enough for me to give you what you want, you will
need to….’ I have made a counter offer and we are ‘horse
trading’ as the negotiators say. Suppose I say, ‘No.’ Are
the negotiations over? Being a good negotiator you
understand my saying ‘No’ as simply my first negotiation
offer. You say, ‘That really surprises me. Under what
conditions would you…?’ I will then probably make an
opening offer – present an initial set of transfer
conditions to you. If not, you simply learned that what you
want is – from my point of view – simply not negotiable.

The following tips have been found by good negotiators to
increase their negotiating effectiveness and increase the
extent to which they are respected as effective negotiators.

Stay relaxed and friendly.

Remember the 80-20 rule. Eighty percent of the movement -
progress – will be made in the last 20 percent of the time
available for negotiating. Knowing this makes it easier to
stay relaxed and much easier to be patient.

Keep your focus on the negotiations – the transfer
conditions. Skilled negotiators will try to distract you,
will talk about things unrelated to the negotiations, and
try to diffuse your focus. Through this process, keep your
internal focus, your mind’s eye on the negotiations.

Ask for and suggest options. When suggesting options, raise
- only as possibilities – different mixes or combinations
of consideration. Here, it is important to take care to
always stay within your negotiating limits.

Always remember that you are negotiating and never simply
trying to get your own way. Your focus is on the transfer
conditions and includes your giving me something in
exchange for what you hope to get.

The following negotiating strategies appear subtle and not
easily seen from the point of view of the negotiation
novice. For a skilled negotiator like the one you are
becoming, though, they are easy to spot and are an
important part of your negotiating repertoire.

Use the first third of the available negotiating time
simply to get a feel for my interest. Importantly, you will
also determine what I want; but my interest represents how
I think I will be better off if we are able to successfully
complete our negotiations. ‘Interest’ is not what I want
but rather ‘Why’ I want it.

Once you have a feel for my interest, develop a priority
listing of that interest as you understand it. Put my most
important interest – my most important ‘Why’ at the top of
the list and then continue listing my interest in terms of
descending priority for me.

Acknowledge and facilitate my interest in the priority
order you have developed.

Based on your understanding of my interest, take time to
show me how I am going to be better off.

As you talk about the transfer conditions, be very clear.
Show me who, what, when, where, why, and – most importantly
- how.

Within any exchange – meeting transfer conditions – there
are some risks. If there were no risks to me including no
possibility of being less well off after I give you what
you want, I would probably simply give it to you. I would
understand that as doing you a favor and, if nothing else,
would expect that you might reciprocate at some point in
the future. When negotiating, there are always some risks.
Be up front with me and very specific about the risks. Show
me all of the risks. This will require that you think about
the situation from my point of view, from my perspective.
Good negotiators are superbly skilled with this aspect of
the process. From my point of view, what are the risks? It
is always better if you bring them up and define them
clearly for me than if I bring them up in the process.

As you interact with me, limit the amount of detail you
bring into the process, be very accurate, and always have
more detail available to expand on or back up anything you
say. Wait for me to request the additional detail, though.
If I do not request it, it is appropriate for you to
indicate that more detail is available if I would like to
have it. Let it go at this, though. (From a strategic point
of view, this puts you in the position of being the expert
who is teaching me.)

Show me how we will share the risks and responsibilities.
Remember that the person with whom you are negotiating will
be more comfortable if the risks and responsibilities are
shared as opposed to either you accepting all of the risk
or responsibility or the other person accepting all of the
risk or responsibility. From this perspective, the key is
to maintain each of us as equal participants in the process.

Always let me be the one to make the final decision. Even
if I may have made the last offer and you are prepared to
accept it say, ‘I think you have made an offer I can
accept. I think we are about to a point where we can agree
to agree. What do you think?’ Whenever possible, let me
make the final decision. Why? Because I will feel better,
feel more in control, and feel more comfortable with the
position into which you have gotten me.

Always credit me with having made a good decision. Say, ‘I
feel like you have made a really good decision. I
appreciate the time you have spent talking with me about
this.’ What if my decision was to simply stop negotiating
and not do what you wanted me to do? The response is the
same. ‘I appreciate the time you have taken to talk with me
about this. All things considered, I think you have made a
good decision from your point of view. It did not turn out
quite the way I wanted it to turn out; but I respect the
decision you have made.’ Why do this? You never know; you
may want to negotiate with me again. You have left our
relationship at a point where I feel good about you and
about negotiating with you again. Save your negative
feelings or reactions for a later time when you are by
yourself and can say anything you want to say. At the point
our negotiations stop, though, take care not to ‘burn your
bridges behind you,’ as they say.

—————————————————-
This article is excerpted from The Frustration Factor from
Glenbridge Publishing. For more from Gary Crow, visit
http://www.LeadershipVillage.com
or http://www.LeadershipVillage.org

Being a good negotiator is a skill you will find useful in
many situations. The skills you will develop will
facilitate your being more effectively assertive, being a
better problem solver, and being a better conflict manager.
Developing the skills is sometimes tedious and requires a
lot of practice. The payoff is both substantial and
positive, though.

At first, it will be useful to move through the negotiation
process in a step-by-step manner. With practice and
experience, you will gradually get to a point where
effective negotiating is second nature to you and is not
something that requires a lot of detailed activity. At
first, though, it is important to develop a negotiating
plan and then seek out opportunities to practice. It is a
little like learning to play the piano. Learning how is
tedious and time consuming. Being able to play well,
however, is a very satisfying thing indeed.

PRELIMINARY ACTIVITIES

What do you want that I have, control, or can do? As odd as
it may seem, this is frequently the step that inexperienced
negotiators leave out. Very specifically, what do you want
that I have? Here, we are talking about things, about
concrete and tangible objects. What do you want that I
control? Here we are talking about opportunities,
resources, time, or other less tangible ‘things.’ What do
you want me to do that I can do? Here, it is important to
think in terms of things that anyone with my skills, in my
position, and with my resources ‘can do.’ In very specific
terms, what do you want from me?

With ‘it’ referring to what you want, can I actually give
it to you? This is another point that amateur negotiators
frequently overlook. What they want is something that the
other person cannot, as a matter of individual choice, give
to them. Perhaps other people are involved, maybe it is not
something that the individual has the right or authority to
simply give away, perhaps it is not something that the
person can actually do, or maybe there are other factors
that have to be taken into consideration other than simply
deciding to give it to you. Under these conditions, simply
negotiating with you is not enough, since I cannot simply
give you what you want. Be sure that your negotiations are
directed to the individual or people who can give it to
you. Who all do you need to include in the negotiations?
You should not leave anyone out.

Assuming I can give you what you want, under what
conditions do you think I can give it to you? If you
believe that I will simply give it to you without
conditions, there is nothing about which to negotiate.
Simply ask me and I will give it to you. Here, though,
let’s assume that you think I will give it to you under
some conditions. In specific terms, what are those
conditions?

Under what conditions will you accept it – accept what you
want – assuming I am willing to give it to you? Yes, you
undoubtedly have conditions. Suppose you want to use my car
for a week while yours is in the shop. It is my car, and I
can let you use it. You think I will let you use it if you
agree to take good care of it, bring it back with a full
tank of gas, and you pay my bus fare for the week. Suppose
my conditions are a little different, however.

I agree to let you use my car for one week if you agree to
make my car payments for one year. You will undoubtedly
say, ‘No way.’ The point is that you do have conditions.
Under what conditions will you accept what you want if I
give it to you?

NEGOTIATING FOCUS

A successful negotiation is a conditional transaction. We
do business under certain conditions. If you are still in
the game to this point, you have a clear statement of what
you want, a set of conditions that you think I will have in
doing business, and your conditions for doing business.
Make a chart with two columns with the left column
including a list of your conditions and the right column
including a list of my conditions. Now, what are the points
of convergence: conditions on your list and on mine? The
more points of convergence there are, the further along the
negotiations are going in. Your goal, of course, will be to
reach a point where there is complete convergence, a point
where the conditions on your list are the same as the
conditions on my list.

What are the points of divergence: conditions that are on
your list but are not on mine and conditions that are on my
list but not on yours? Being careful to be very specific,
now, make a master list that includes only our points of
divergence, noting beside each point whether it is my
condition or your condition. We will then negotiate our
points of divergence.

As a central negotiating principle, keep in mind that you
are never negotiating about what you want. That is a given
and is actually nonnegotiable. If you did not want it,
there is no point in pursuing it. We are simply negotiating
the terms and conditions under which I will give it to you:
our points of divergence. Amateur negotiators frequently
fall into the trap of focusing on what they want. Skilled
negotiators focus on the points of divergence: what we will
call the transfer conditions.

CONSIDERATION AND LIMITS

What do you have, what do you control, or what can you do
that would be of value to me? Look at my transfer
conditions. You may use them as a guide for determining
what may be of value to me in this particular negotiating
situation. Make a list that includes what you can give to
me in this particular negotiating situation. Make notation
of why you think it would be of value to me. What benefits
will I derive? What you give to me combined with the
benefits I will derive from it represent the consideration
you are offering in the negotiation.

As a summary point, you have determined what you want, have
determined the transfer conditions, and now have determined
what your consideration can be to induce me to follow
through with the transfer. The stage for negotiating is set.

What are your negotiating limits? Review your list of
consideration elements. Can you actually transfer control
of them to me? What are the long and short term
implications for you of making this transfer? Once you have
considered the implications, revise your consideration list
to include only those things you can give to me without
jeopardizing yourself over time. This final list is what
constitutes your negotiating limits: the maximum
consideration you are prepared to introduce into the
negotiations. At no point, and especially not during a
specific negotiating session, should you go beyond your
negotiating limits, no matter how tempting it may be. Yes,
you may miss an opportunity once in a great while. The
advantage to you is this: making an unexpected offer you
cannot refuse is a game run by truly skilled negotiators.
Assume that he/she is at least as skilled as you are and is
not about to ‘give away the store.’ What seems like an
unexpected prize will usually turn out to be something for
which you will pay dearly and without the benefit of prior
thought or analysis. As good negotiators say, ‘Never come
to the bait!’

Importantly, following all of the above steps gets you to
what you think will be the final outcome of the
negotiations. You think you will get what you want, the
full consideration I have to offer. You have also
determined your negotiating limits: the maximum
consideration you will offer. If you want, simply make your
best offer on a take it or leave it basis. This is, of
course, not negotiating. It is rather simply making a
nonnegotiable offer. What should you do if you want to
negotiate, though? Simply list the preliminary transfer
conditions: the least you are willing to accept and what
you believe – hope – might be the least I would accept in
return. These then represent the minimum transfer
conditions. If you have carefully completed your
preliminary work as outlined above, negotiations may now
begin.

—————————————————-
This article is excerpted from The Frustration Factor from
Glenbridge Publishing. For more articles and information
from Gary Crow, visit http://www.LeadershipVillage.com
or http://www.LeadershipVillage.org

Copyright (c) 2007 Michael Soon Lee

How would you like an extra $5,000 or more a year? This
money can be earned simply by becoming a better negotiator,
yet most people in the United States rarely take advantage
of the power of bargaining, except on rare occasions when
making large purchases like cars and houses. In other
countries, like Asia, people there negotiate everything
everyday and save thousands.

Negotiating is like a martial arts contest where power,
leverage and timing can mean the difference between winning
and losing. For instance, a martial artist would never go
into a contest without first spying on his opponent to find
weaknesses. In the same way, you can gain bargaining power
by doing your homework. If you’re buying a diamond ring,
for example, find out how long the ring has been on
display, the standard profit margin on jewelry and how
badly the owner wants to sell it. Finding answers to
questions like these could save a lot of money.

Before engaging in contest a martial artist warms up by
stretching.  Likewise, a savvy negotiator warms up by
building rapport and finding common ground with the other
party, because people like to do business with people they
like.

Next, fighters will cautiously probe each other looking for
weaknesses. In bargaining this is done by throwing offers
onto the table to see how the other party reacts.
Experienced fighters often use guile to lure their
opponents into range by pretending a blow has hurt them
more than it really did. Similarly, a negotiator could
pretend to be shocked by an opponent’s offer to get her to
come up or go down in price. Visibly showing surprise or
hurt is called flinching and it used by master bargainers
to gain concessions without giving up anything.

Martial artists are taught to read the body language of
their opponents so they can see a blow before it is
unleashed. Experienced negotiators can literally read the
other party’s mind by watching body language and listening
carefully. If a seller says, “My price is $500 but make me
an offer” you know their price is flexible before you even
start. Without saying a word their body language can also
tell you if they like or dislike any offer you make.

Martial artists do not believe in win-win and neither
should you. Even when sparring their best friend they want
to give their best effort. When bargaining, fight for the
best deal possible assuming that the other party will take
care of themselves because they will.

Fighters are supremely aware of time and try to use it to
their advantage by saving as much energy as possible for
the last few seconds of a round when they can score points
against a tired opponent. Black belt negotiators put their
opponents under time pressure by setting deadlines. A car
buyer might visit the dealership only an hour before a
doctor’s appointment so the dealer must give his best offer
before the customer leaves, likely never to return.

In martial arts, as in life, there are unfair fighters who
will do anything to win, so you must protect yourself at
all times. Negotiators must be aware of unfair tactics such
as nibbling, which is asking for concessions after an
agreement has been reached. If this happens to you just
remember this blocking technique, “Before you give a
concession – get a concession.” For example, if a seller
says, “Couldn’t you give me just twenty five dollars more
because I’m not making any money on this deal?” you can
respond with, “If I did, would you throw in the extended
warranty?”

Finally, when a contest ends, fighters will bow to each
other as a sign of respect as if to say, “You were a worthy
opponent” which makes both contestants feel good whether
they won or lost. Negotiators should also congratulate the
other party for having gotten a good deal. Otherwise he
might change his mind and go back on the agreement.

Just like becoming an accomplished martial artist,
achieving black belt status in negotiating takes practice.
Every time you pull out your wallet ask yourself if this is
an opportunity to hone your bargaining skills. If it is –
get out there and earn a black belt!

—————————————————-
Michael Soon Lee, MBA, is the author of the new book “Black
Belt Negotiating” (AMACOM Books, 2007), a world class
negotiator and martial artist. He has bargained on
everything from major real estate purchases to discounts on
gas for his car. Michael shows people how to use martial
arts secrets to gain leverage in any bargaining situation.
His website is http://www.EthnoConnect.com and his phone
is: (800) 417-7325.

Copyright (c) 2007 Michael Soon Lee

Nearly every negotiating book ever written takes a win-win
approach to agreements. However, master negotiators know
that win-win is for losers. In reality, nobody believes in
win-win because people play to win – not to tie, and
certainly not to lose.

In martial arts, for example, whether you are sparring for
practice or in a tournament, you do not want your opponent
to win. Even if the person across the mat from you is your
best friend or your brother or sister, you still don’t want
them to beat you. There’s nothing wrong with this attitude
because the need to win is human nature, for both men and
women, and it’s what drives people to do their best.

But let’s be clear — winning doesn’t mean breaking even.
If you are an avid gambler you would not consider yourself
a winner if you went to Las Vegas and played blackjack with
$100 for three hours and left the table with $100.  If your
hockey or soccer team ends an important game in a tie do
you consider it a win? Martial artists play to win and so
do you.

Contracts are signed with each party’s own interests in
mind. Leading up to the contract is the negotiation, and
the winning attitude must start there. This is not to say
that the opposing party does not get what she wants out of
a deal as well, but an experienced negotiator lets her have
it on his own terms. The mark of a master negotiator is to
walk away from the table with what he came for while
letting the other party feel she got a good deal as well.
Now that’s skill.

Win-win suggests a tie wherein you, in the best case
scenario, end up with a dissatisfying compromise. On the
other hand, win big/win small means getting what you came
for while still making sure the other party’s needs are met
as well. You will always get the best deal in bargaining if
you follow more of a win big/win small philosophy.

When you truly win, it means you got all of your needs met
and obtained as many of your wants as possible. You must
recognize the difference between wants and needs and how to
keep them at the forefront of your mind.

Too many people feel guilty if they win big by obtaining
more of what they want from a deal than the opposite party
seems to. Don’t fall into that trap. They aren’t going to
agree to any deal where you are the only one to benefit.
For all you know, they may be going through a divorce, job
transfer, illness, need cash, have tax problems, or some
other situation that you are helping them to resolve.

Bargain with your own interests in mind and assume the
other party will do the same. A family had some large,
unused items cluttering up their garage so they asked a
hauling company to come over to give them an estimate.
After looking at the freezer, file cabinets, and other
assorted pieces of furniture the company quoted $200. The
family told them they would have to think about it and
reminded them that if they had to come back, it would cost
them time and money for gas. At that point, the haulers
offered to drop the price down to $175. The family stalled,
suggesting that they might call in a non-profit group who
would gladly accept the items and take them away for free.
After a little more back and forth they eventually settled
for $110.  The family was prepared to pay at least $150 –
the minimum cost of having to do the job themselves — so
they won big. On the other hand, the hauling company still
got $110 which, for them, meant they won a little as well.
Certainly this was not a win-win but more of a win big-win
small result.

To win big you must see an opening and go for it without
hesitation. If a martial artist is going to break a brick
with his hand he cannot hesitate or he is more likely to
break his wrist than the brick. If you are selling a house
and are still thinking of all of the fond memories it
contains you will not get the best deal because your
emotions will make you hesitate. It’s probably better to
wait until your focus is on your next house before putting
this one on the market.

Believe it or not, many people negotiate with the intention
to fail. Watch the words you say or think when a
negotiating opportunity arises. If you hear yourself using
such phrases as, “I’ll try” or “I’ll do my best” you are
defeated before you even begin. These words say that you
are playing to lose because you’re giving an excuse for not
winning. Instead, replace defeatist scripts with such
phrases as, “When I win…” or “When I get the best deal…”

The principle here is “Always negotiate for the best deal
you can for your side.  Do not be concerned about fairness
as long as the other party can protect his own interests.”
Start out with the intention of getting the best deal you
can and you will.

—————————————————-
Michael Soon Lee, MBA, is the author of the new book “Black
Belt Negotiating” (AMACOM Books, 2007), a world class
negotiator and martial artist. He has bargained on
everything from major real estate purchases to discounts on
gas for his car. Michael shows people how to use martial
arts secrets to gain leverage in any bargaining situation.
His website is http://www.EthnoConnect.com and his phone
is: (800) 417-7325.